Indian Jones Kali Ma Remix

Okay I'm A Bit Jealous

I swear I had this idea a couple of years ago, to remix the Kali Ma part of Indian Jones to some techno music, but I just found out somebody beat me to it.  It's every thing I dreamed of and more, very funny stuff.

Top Ten Funny Websites - What's Osama Bin Watchin'?

Big Fat Ten

It's The Simple Things...

...that get you through life and are also sometimes the funniest ideas.  At www.tomscott.com/osama you can enter in any youtube url and change what Osama is watching from Justine Beiber to Cat's dancing.  Simple yet hilarious.

Best Music Video: Whole Foods Parking Lot

Simply the Best Music Video I've seen in awhile.

Review: Dragon Age 2

The Worst Game Ever

It has finally happened. I would have never imagined it happening in my wildest dreams. But it's a fact, the worst game I've ever played was made by my favorite developer (Bioware). Well, former favorite developer. There are many reasons for my extreme view point... reasons I will go into, but if you want to save yourself some time just heed my words: DO NOT BUY THIS GAME. pirate it if you must, but don't waste your money.

Now lets take a journey back into my childhood. Being an awkward little kid with no friends aside, I've been playing video games ever since I can remember. But there was one game in particular, that after I finished... I knew video games would always be my first love... knowing no girl would ever love me. This game was Baldur's Gate 2. No idea why I played the second one first, but at any rate. It was the best game ever. Comparing it to Dragon Age 2 is an insult to its memory.

Lead writer of Dragon Age 2 is one David Gaitor, the first game he worked on with Bioware was Baldur's Gate 2 coincidently. How he went from that masterpiece to this modern piece of trash I'll never know... but luckily there is photographic documentation on his transformation into the abomination he now is, shown above. On the far left you can see my description of my childhood could probably also be used for David Gaitor's. No disrespect, but I'm sure he's been a dungeon master multiple times in his life. But you know what? That's what made the early games so great, that's why Bioware got so much money and fans. Because Bioware made games FOR NERDS BY NERDS. Now Bioware makes games FOR THE CALL OF DUTY AUDIENCE BY NERDS WHO BETRAYED THEIR ROOTS AND TWILIGHT FAN FICTION WRITERS WHO DON'T EVEN LIKE VIDEO GAMES.

I did not just make up a bunch of stuff randomly. What I just stated is fact. Bioware has announced they are looking to get the attention of the "Call of Duty Audience". Gee that sounds like a great idea, build up your entire company on the loyalty of nerds like myself and then betray us for the lowest common denominator in the video game community... the "Call of Duty Audience". And what's this Twilight nonsense? Well apparently, the games lead romance writer's only qualification was that she wrote Twilight fan fiction. What does that translate into gamewise? Well every two seconds a male NPC was hitting on me and pretty much every male companion is a raging homosexual who wants some guy on guy action. Call me old fashioned but when I play an RPG I'm looking good ole Dungeons & Dragons fun, not to play "Gay Drama: Medieval Edition". It's as if Bioware figured... what do boys like? Call of Duty... what do girls like? Twilight. I KNOW... lets use that information to make our worst game yet.

The sad thing is this isn't even a good game. I'm not ranting on because nerdy RPG's are now in the mainstream and I can't feel so special about myself. This game by all means is a horrible example of a good RPG. Bad story, bad dialogue, bad combat, blatant reuse of so many levels. Where you constantly backtrack or explore supposed "new" areas when in fact they're just the same dungeon with different monsters in it. And I don't mean different monsters as in new... there feels to be less variety in the enemies this time around.

The worst part of all is how Bioware reacted to the outrage of the community. When countless fans like myself reviewed their game badly, they simply blamed it on an "internet raid", that the only reason they have bad reviews is because a few people wanted to cause mischief. And hardcore fans on their official forums are actually banned for voicing their criticism in a articulate and professional manner. Overall Bioware are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats and Dragon Age 2 which apparently is the "spiritual successor to Baldur's Gate" does nothing but piss on it's grave.

P.S. I am aware that a different section of Bioware is responsible for the Mass Effect games, which are great games. Thus any insult towards Bioware is only directed to the morons who pumped out the second Dragon Age. I just hope that the third Mass Effect isn't as big a disappointment. If it is, I'll officially be off Bioware forever.

The Apocalypse Is Finally Here!

Puppy Apocalypse

All Your Nightmares Come True

Poop indeed, because that's what you'll be screaming as you run for the hills in fear and dread.  It's been in the works for a while and now it's finally here,  Puppy Apocalypse.  I'm not sure if it can be called art, but it's what I do when I'm bored and feeling creatively stifled and hopefully you can get some enjoyment out of it.  The horror starts here:  puppyapocalypse.blogspot.com

Review: Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty

Starcraft 2; The Review

While it's true that Starcraft 2 is already almost a year old, it has been anticipated for 12 years and is as relevant as ever. With it's multiplayer becoming ever more popular in America as it's already the biggest thing in Korea since Starcraft 1. Which was the biggest thing in Korea since the Korean War. I do not plan to go into the multiplayer much more, only saying that it's extremely fun and addictive. I plan to talk about how the game stands as an RTS and not take into account all the hype.

If you don't want to read the whole thing I'll sum it up right now, Starcraft 2 is the best RTS game I have ever played... and I've been playing RTS (real time strategy, for those you who have no idea what you are doing here) games ever since the original Warcraft. No, this does not make me a Blizzard fanboy... I have played many other RTS games the aren't exclusive to Blizzard and have plenty of bad things to say about the developer. But none of this changes the fact that this is a great game. Now to explain why...

I don't think in the history of video games has there ever been so much money and time pumped into the development of an RTS game. Its true that a big budgets doesn't guarantee success, but in this case... it didn't hurt. THERE IS SO MUCH content and variety in the campaign. Every single mission is so different, where in one instance you're fighting "zombies" at night and burning their hives during the day to another instance where you're escaping an exploding sun. It's a nice change from the usual "build up the same big army and destroy the enemy base" formula you encounter in most every level of an average RTS. The progression is great as well, each mission is basically a moment for a new unlocked unit to shine. But since you can choose which order you do the missions you'll end up having a unique playthrough, based on what you've unlocked first.

In between missions is insane to say the least. Never before in an RTS have I seen so much "fluff". From watching the TV, to research projects, playing arcade games, to upgrades that specialize your army, or just plain clicking on yourself. There is so much to do in between missions I was amazed. Obviously you can skip all this if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it considering most of the time its beneficial.

But the entire game is based on only one race "The Terran" so is it worth being a full priced game? Easily the answer is yes... considering compared to the first game which had all three campaigns, this one alone feels to have way more content. Thus I'm actually looking forward to the two upcoming "expansions" which are said to be just as huge but about the remaining two races.

Icing on the cake is a very powerful editor that is included with the game. Which people have already used to make a third person shooter, a turn-based final fantasy style game, and obviously just more maps of the actual game. Not the average joe's cup of tea but the very fact they gave their players such an amazing tool makes me happy, since its the creativity of a game's community that keeps it alive.

Now to bring up the things that made this game lose a few points. First of all you have to be connected to the internet to play it, even if you have no intention of playing multiplayer. No reason for that aside from Blizzard spying on you. And the thing that really made me question their motives were reports of people being BANNED from playing the game because they cheated in the SINGLE PLAYER CAMPAIGN. This is just too retarded... considering the first game actually had a cheat code that was a tribute to it's community.

Overall, if you consider yourself to be a fan of real time strategy I have no idea how you don't already own this game.

Review: Fable 3

THE WORST FABLE YET!

I have been playing Fable since the first one came out on the original Xbox.

At the time I've never heard of Fable. One day my friend just said, this game's pretty cool you should play it... and so I did. Thirty hours straight until it was finished. When I finally stood up I fell over because my legs had become completely limp.

Now, if that is how I reacted to the first game... I should have probably been seriously worried for my well being going into the third one. But no. I was perfectly healthy going in and out of this MEDICORE abomination. At no point did I feel the NEED to play it... when I was hungry I made myself some food, when I got tired I went to sleep, and when I needed to go to the bathroom I actually got up and went, instead of holding it in for 10+ hours. This might seem like a good thing... but it's not. It's just another memory that's not as good as the ones I already have.

Sure it can be argued that since I was younger when I played the first one I thought it was better through the use of a nifty little device called nostalgia goggles. But I assure you this is not the case.

What's wrong with Fable 3? Lets find out...

First of all the graphics are worse then it's predecessor Fable 2. How in the world did they manage to make the graphics worse over the span of two years? I personally do not judge a game based on its graphics... it's all about the game itself not how pretty it is... I'm simply pointing out. How does a sequel have worse graphics?

It has been casualized more so then any other series I have ever seen. The game literally plays itself. In the first Fable there was actually fear of death... In the second they used a "knock-out" system similar to the third. However in the second game I actually was knocked out plenty of time, because certain parts actually presented a challenge. Now... towards the END of the game... the final enemies die in ONE hit. I seriously went though the whole thing without being downed once. I understand some people like playing on easy mode... but there is NO DIFFICULTY SETTING. The super easy mode it starts with is the only one there is. At least give the masochists in us a Nightmare difficulty, we'd actually end up playing the game longer.

To continue on the whole "casualization" topic. There is no longer a health bar. The screen just turns red after you've been hit about a million times. What is this an FPS? There is only two guns and two melee weapons. Now they "morph" which is just a lazy way of saying... there is only 2 sets of attacks you'll ever see, but your weapon will have a different skin then your friend's weapon. Magic still auto kills everything around you, but so does everything else.

What about progression? Before you massed experience and got to pick the skills you wanted that actually altered your character. You know... the system every single RPG has been modeled after since the beginning of time that anyone who likes RPG's loves. Now it's just a matter of opening chests that make you stronger on a winding snake path in the clouds. Yeah that's a much better system, I type sarcastically. Apparently they did this because going into a menu and clicking on whether you want to be a Warrior, Rogue, or Wizard was a little too much to comprehend for the average gamer. In fact they've done away with menus all together. While it's true they got rid of actual armor in the second game, and instead you got to play dress up and just pick what looks pretty. This system returns but now instead you actually have your own wardrobe and you do it ALL WITHOUT menus. So why am I complaining? Because it was a retarded use of resources when making a game... considering there ended up being less clothing combination then the second game.

But what about the grand finale? Well towards the end you become the king of all the land and have only one year to prepare for an ultimate confrontation against the armies of darkness. Well it says you have a year... but really it just fast forwards a lot and it ends up being only like... six days or so. But what do you do during this time? You have to raise 6.5 million dollars anyway you can... so you're faced with hard moral choices about what to do with your kingdom. But why was this pointless? Because by the time they told me I had only a year to make ALL THAT MONEY. I already had about 1 billion sitting in the bank. So I forked over pocket change to save my kingdom. How did I have so much money you may ask? Because from the get go I started buying property and taxing the citizens... The most tedious process EVER! I have to go to each individual house and make repairs and so on... NO IDEA WHY, by the end... when you own EVERYTHING you couldn't just auto pilot the whole process instead of making it into some sort of lame facebook game.

Now to say some nice things about it... The scenery looks really nice in many areas, but pretty landscapes aren't enough to save a game. They've also added a much better co-op system then the second game. Now from the get go you can play the entire game with a buddy with your own characters. Which IS almost enough to save the game... since the two of you can go through the MEDICORE experience together and poke fun at it.

Overall... a giant step back for the series. I don't know how they screwed it up to the point that John Cleese and Stephen Fry couldn't save it. If you want to play a better game just get Fable 2... you won't even be able to tell it came out before this one. Or if you're really in the mood for an old school classic, get the original Fable.

Kathy McCarty - Rocketship Video

Big Fat Music

McCarty via Futurama

I was watching Futurama Bender's Game, for the third time, and noticed the intro to this song and decided to check it out.  I'm not sure about McCarty's other song's, but this one is a pretty cool cover of a Daniel Johnston song Rocketship.

Review: APB: Reloaded

APB IS BACK & BETTER THEN EVER

But how good was APB originally? Many people would argue not very, considering it was shut down within two months and completely bankrupt it's developer Realtime Worlds. I am not one of these people, sure it is true those things did happen. But only because off a few fundamental problems with the game, problems that have been fixed by Gamersfirst. Who have bought APB and re-released it as a free-to-play game entitled APB:RELOADED that is now in open beta. Get it here: http://www.gamersfirst.com/apb/

But why should you get it? If you want the full details, read on... But I do advise you to start downloading the game before reading this review... considering it's going to be one long download.

APB offered the most expansive customization options of any online game to date. When you bought the original game, you'd have to pay a monthly fee to play the shooter portion of the game. But you'd have unlimited access to all the customization options (character, vehicle, and music editor) no matter what. This wasn't the best of ideas. Considering your average gamer could care less about arts and crafts and just wants to kill people. Again I am not one of these people but I understand their reasoning.

Now, the shooter portion of the game is completely free, but all the customization has become severally limited for the free-to-play gamer. For example, before you could have a maximum of 50 tattoos on your character... now you can only have 3. Not to worry the people who actually ARE into the creative side of the game, because now instead of paying for the action you have the option of paying a monthly fee that will restore all your customization limits. A fair trade off if you ask me... considering the free-to-play gamers can still buy all the cool stuff made by the artists without using any real money. While the artists make a profit for doing what they love.

APB was extremely unbalanced for new players. Since I got the game when it first came out I was on even grounds with everyone, considering we were all new players. But as the weeks went by and all the original players got access to game breaking upgrades along with the broken matchmaking system, there was never really any chance for a veteran to be beaten by a newbie. Thus anyone who got the game later on, would start it, get extremely frustrated with it, and leave never to come back. Not exactly the best idea for a long term business model.

Now, to talk about upgrades. Firstly they aren't even called upgrades anymore, they are called modifications. Why? Because they no longer make you better... they make you more specialized. For example, before there were... Weapon upgrades that would make your gun shot 10% faster, do 10% more damage, and so on. Character upgrades that would make you have 25% more health, take 25% less damage, and so on. These upgrades had NO downsides and could be used simultaneously with one another giving such ridiculous bonus to the players that were already good at the game (considering you'd have to be good to get said upgrades), new players didn't have a chance in hell. Now however modifications behave very differently. Firstly they're all color coded and those of the same color can't be used with each other. The idea of which is to not allow players to make game breaking combos while encouraging players to try new and creative combinations instead. Secondly they all have downsides that outweigh their benefits. For example the modification that makes your gun shot 10% faster now makes it 30% less accurate as well, or the one that makes you 30% resistant to damage also makes you run much slower. So basically a new player with no upgrades is the most balanced all round character and anyone who uses modifications should only do so if it benefits their play style, but the downsides will never make them overpowered.

Now, to move onto the matchmaking. To sum up the old system... it was terrible. New system? Much better. Before there was no real rating of skill and players could just lose a bunch of games on purpose and be pitted against new players that they would demolish. Now it takes into account true player skill not just wins and losses and puts you against opposition accordingly. While even more ways to balance the system are in the works, such as servers that only new players can join off limits to the veterans.

APB had a sever hacker problem. Any online game is going to have hackers, but the problem with APB was that the developer Realtime Worlds never banned ANY HACKERS! and everyone knew this so there was no real deterrent from hacking yourself. By the end of the games existence there were so many hackers that the only way to compete was hacking yourself. Which many people did. By then the developers couldn't ban hackers because they would be banning the remainder of their player base.

Now? Hackers are actually banned. Simple.

Lastly I will talk about the new cash shop implemented. I'm perfectly fine with it. Considering the game is FREE now the new developer has to make money somehow. So besides the monthly fee you can pay for more customization options you can also buy unique guns, vehicles, and so forth. Which at first seems unbalanced... making it seem like only people with money have access to the best stuff. But this isn't true at all... Everything in the cash shop while unique isn't better then anything you can unlock while playing the game yourself. It's just a shortcut for the people flush with cash who are to lazy to do it themselves.

Overall I am really happy with what has happened. It's as if APB dying is the best thing that could have happened to APB. Since now not only is it actually balanced, it doesn't cost me money to play it if I don't want to. That and so much new promising features and content is right around the corner... I seriously can't wait. Now sadly if you aren't a REALLY slow reader the game will still be installing at this time. But when it is finally finished, have fun.

Cool Sites: The Art of Kris Kuksi

Caravan Assault Apparatus

Big Fat Art

Awe Inspiring

I stumbled across a photo of one of Kris Kuksi's sculptures yesterday and I was captivated.  I sought his website, kuksi.com, as soon as I put his name to the sculpture so I could find more of his amazing sculptures.  I was instantly drawn into the minute and disturbing details laid out in these immense and intricate sculptures that address political, social and religious ideas all at once.  Somehow the pieces make one cohesive and breathtaking sculpture, but at the same time they are schizophrantic and dissenting in the details. They are so mesmerizing that I find it very difficult to look away from the sculptures. Guillermo del Toro explains it best,  “A post-industrial Rococo master, Kris Kuksi obsessively arranges characters and architecture in asymmetric compositions with an exquisite sense of drama. Instead of stones and shells he uses screaming plastic soldiers, miniature engine blocks, towering spires and assorted debris to form his landscapes.  The political, spiritual and material conflict within these shrines is enacted under the calm gaze of remote deities and august statuary. Kuksi manages to evoke, at once, a sanctum and a mausoleum for our suffocated spirit.”